Why Am I Jealous?
Below are listed some possible factors which can contribute to jealousy arising. The list is not intended to be exhaustive, but just to give an idea of the different types of reasons which lead some people to think and act in jealous ways. It is likely that some of the factors will be relevant to you but others will not.
Possible Causes of Jealousy
1. Possible Childhood Factors
There may be some factors in your background which you feel have led to you being vulnerable to feelings of jealousy. These might be some or any of the factors listed below or they might be other factors personal to you not mentioned here:
- A lack of security or stability in your childhood or problems in close family relationships leading to low self esteem or to a belief that it is unlikely that someone worthwhile will value you
- Role models in your childhood who have themselves acted in jealous ways – for example, a jealous father and/or a mother
- Influential people in your childhood putting a pressure on you to succeed in various ways or leading you to believe that you are not or cannot be successful (this factor relates to jealousy of the Envy-Jealousy type in particular)
- Being brought up with a belief that there is a high degree of shame or failure attached to not being 100% faithful in relationships
- Strong beliefs about cultural or gender rules which you were encouraged by influential adults or by media to hold as sacrosanct, relating to how people of a certain gender/culture/background should act or how partners in a relationship should act. This may make it is harder for you to accept people acting in other ways and it also may lead you to be particularly self critical and feel guilty if you yourself break those rules.
2. Possible More Recent Factors
There may be some more recent factors which have increased your susceptibility to jealousy even if before you might not have felt jealous in similar circumstances. Some possible factors are given below, but again there may be other factors personal to you not mentioned here:
- One or more experiences of important relationships where you felt your trust undermined by the person you cared for
- A sense of guilt in yourself about the way you yourself have acted in a past relationship which may lead you to fear that someone who is now important to you will act in a similar way
- Not having managed to achieve some of the successes in relationships, career or prosperity that you once hoped for and feeling a sense of failure or even bitterness about this (this factor relates to jealousy of the Envy-Jealousy type in particular)
- A stressful or traumatic experience which has made it difficult for you to trust in relationships
3. Possible Factors in Your Current Relationship
If your jealousy is of the type which involves feeling worried that someone important to you, such as a partner, may leave you or betray your trust in some way, then there may be specific features of that relationship which contribute to your feeling jealous of people or situations that you perceive as posing a threat to it. These could include things such as:
- Feeling ‘head over heals’ in love with the person in a way that you have never experienced before and therefore having a heightened sense of what you have to lose if the relationship ends or is damaged
- The other person not showing that they love you in ways that you might want, so that you are worried that they don’t love you
- The other person behaving in ways which suggest that they may actually be intending to deceive you or betray your trust in some way
- The other person acting in ways which you believe are similar to past relationships you have experienced which subsequently went wrong
- Your current relationship having taken you away from your usual environment or friends or put you in a situation where you don’t have your usual support systems or familiar faces or places around you
- You having risked a lot, or given up a lot, in order to be in this relationship so that the end of it might involve a loss of face or might lead to a difficult or complicated situation which you fear facing
- Friends, family or others being critical of your partner so that you feel under extra pressure to make the relationship succeed or so that you are worried in case your judgement about the other person is misguided.
Like This Page? Share it on Social Media:
- - - - - - - - -- - -
Further Ideas for Jealousy Issues
The above extract is taken from my ebook Overcoming Jealousy - A Practical Guide. For more information about that ebook click on the link below:
Overcoming Jealousy - A Practical Guide