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Overcome Jealousy

 

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Deal with a Jealous Partner

 

Jealousy & Self-Esteem

 

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Life Coaching Resources

 

CBT Techniques

 

Deal with Low Self-Esteem

 

How to Be Assertive

 

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50 Life Coaching Exercises

 

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Jealousy and Self Esteem

Jealousy and low self esteem can be linked in two ways:

1. If you have low self esteem this may contribute to you feeling that other people are better or more attractive than you. This can fuel insecurities you have in a relationship, or anxiety that your partner may be unfaithful to you, leading to jealousy in situations where you fear that your partner, or someone else important to you, is giving attention to another person. It can also lead to you being envious or resentful of other people when you think that they have things or qualities that you lack.

2. Whether or not you already have low self esteem, if you experience jealousy this can cause low self esteem or make it worse for you, because you may feel bad about the fact that you are feeling jealous and acting in jealous or irrational ways towards your partner or someone else.

Jealousy and Self Esteem Resource Pack

The jealousy and Self Esteem Resource pack is a set of ebooks to help you deal with jealousy and self esteem issues in a practical, sensible way and to communicate your feelings and thoughts reasonably and effectively.

The pack includes 3 ebooks!

1. Overcoming Jealousy - A Practical Guide

2. Low Self Esteem - How to Deal with It

3. How to Be Assertive

Details of the 3 items are given below:

eBook No.1: Overcoming Jealousy - A Practical Guide

The ebook Overcoming Jealousy - A Practical Guide provides a practical approach to overcoming jealousy, taking you through a step-by-step process designed to help you to:

Cognitive Techniques and Jealousy

The book incorporates the latest CBT techniques for addressing negative or distorted thinking patterns, explaining in clear and simple terms how these can be used to work through jealousy issues and come up with practical and individualised strategies relevant to your situation. 'CBT' or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a set of techniques based on the common sense recognition that our thoughts and how we interpret events and situations influence our feelings and how we act.

This is highly relevant to jealousy where you may see something happening in a situation, or see someone acting in a certain way and then draw conclusions about it or start to believe things which lead you to feel jealous, angry, hurt or humiliated.

This Guide shows step-by-step how you can address your thoughts, feelings and actions in these situations to help you gain control and think and act in a constructive way manner.

Contents of the Guide

The book is divided into 7 Sections and in each Section you are given one or more simple assignments to work through as you build up your collection of strategies for taking control of your jealousy on a number of different fronts.

Each Assignment contributes towards the creation of an overarching Project Plan which you can use as your template to deal with the particular problems that jealousy is causing for you and your relationship, so that you begin to take control.

The topics covered by the different sections of the eBook and the different Assignments included in it are listed below:

eBook 1: Overcoming Jealousy - Full Contents List

Section 1: What is Jealousy?

The Two Types of Jealousy
- Common Features
- Some Differences
Is Jealousy a Normal Emotion?
Jealousy and Self Esteem
Is Jealousy My Fault?
Your Motivation for Overcoming Jealousy

- Assignment 1: Benefits of Overcoming Jealousy

Section 2: Why Are You Jealous?

Why Are You Jealous?
Possible Causes of Jealousy
- Possible Childhood Factors
- More Recent Factors
- Factors in Your Current Relationship

- Assignment 2: Explaining Jealousy

Section 3: Changing Your Jealous Behaviour

Overview

- Assignment 3: Jealous Actions
- Assignment 4: Alternative Actions

Section 4: Dealing with Your Jealous Thoughts and Feelings

The ABC Model
- Examples of the ABC Model
Are Your Beliefs Justified?
- Analysing Your Beliefs
Creating a Balancing Statement
- What is a Balancing Statement?
The Consequences if Your Belief is True

- Assignment 5: ABC Analysis
- Assignment 6: Balancing Statements

Section 5: Situations that Trigger Jealousy

- Assignment 7: Jealousy Triggers

Section 6: Jealousy, Insecurity and Self Esteem

Overview

- Assignment 8: Building Self Worth
- Assignment 9: Personal Goals

Section 7: Trust and Communication

Overview
How to Build Trust
- Tips for Building Trust

Should I tell the other person about my Jealousy?

- Assignment 10: Communication and Trust

Conclusion

Forms
Sample Project Plan
Your Project Plan (To Be Filled In As You Go Along)

Additional Resources

.

 

Your Project Plan for Overcoming Jealousy

At the end of the E-Book there is a straightforward format for you to use in setting out the Project Plan for overcoming jealousy which you will have been compiling step by step as you go through the book.

A sample Project Plan is also included so that you can see an example of how someone might create their Plan and build on that in the creation of your own plan.

What Sets this Book on Jealousy Apart

The book is unique in the way it combines a number of features:

Feedback on Overcoming Jealousy - A Practical Guide

"I bought the book to help with my irrational feelings of jealousy. I found that it gave helpful, practical ways of dealilng with jealous behaviour.

I am applying the strategies suggested in the book to my situation and am working on changing my thoughts and behaviour accordingly. The balancing thoughts have been especially helpful. My relationship is improving."

- Sheila, UK

"This book unfolded step by step how my reactions don't work and gave me tools and things that I have written to reread that calm my irrational worries. I need to rewrite in on an 3x5 card and carry it! I was struggling with jealousy problems that kept arising, such as not being able to deal with triggers - now I can notice them for what they are. My partner also is jealous too. Talking about triggers to him calmly also helps him. I never told him about this book. Perhaps I should fess up!

The book enlightened me to ways to stop and understand that my past is my past. The person in front of me isn't going to hurt me. Nothing that they have done deserves my questioning. I deserve a better life without worries. I still have problems but they are less and I am calmer. Overall I think this book is very informative and enlightening. It's a wonderful tool to free one self of shame and gives a helping hand to create healthy relationships."

- Dee, United States

"Very easy to follow and already I am pausing more before reacting to a situation."

- Chris, UK

"I bought the book to help with jealousy in my relationship and self esteem issues. It gives good practical advice, not airy fairy! It provides practical steps and things to do. It helps me to keep the emotional feelings out of the way and to see clearly what I have to do."

- Sue, UK

"The book has helped me to find alternative behaviours to deal with my extreme jealousy. I found it easy to use and understand."

- Charlie, United States

"Low self esteem due to recent events led me to start behaving in a way I didn't like. I wanted to 'nip it in the bud' before it escalated. I liked the parts where you fill in the spaces and have your own affirmation at the end. I liked the use of language, very simple, easy to read and very motivating. It read as though you were saying it which helped as well."

- Kate, UK

"I found the book very helpful, well written, good exercises. It helped me to address the real reasons for my feelings and then helped me to identify practical ways to avoid these feelings."

- Laura, UK

 

 

eBook No.2: Low Self Esteem - How to Deal with It

Self esteem is the respect that you have or don't have for yourself. It relates to the way you think about yourself and value your worth.

A Self Esteem eBook with Practical Tips & Exercises

The ebook Low Self Esteem - How to Deal with It provides a practical, easy to use guide for overcoming self esteem difficulties, improving the way you think and feel about yourself and increasing your confidence. It explains in simple terms:

The Essence of Low Self Esteem

The key to understanding low self esteem is learning how to deal with and prevent the negative thoughts and self perceptions which create and reinforce your belief that in some way you are not good enough. Once you can start to change the way you think about yourself, you can:

Low Self Esteem and Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs are general beliefs that you hold, whether stated or not which limit your ability to achieve what you want to.

Low Self Esteem - How to Deal with It contains a unique explanation of how limiting beliefs can create and reinforce self esteem problems. The book gives a clear exposition of ways in which you can then:

How the Book Approaches Self Esteem Issues

Low Self Esteem - How to Deal with It provides:

Contents of Low Self Esteem - How to Deal with It

The book is divided into several sections covering different aspects of how to deal with and change the negative thoughts that underpin your low self esteem and reinforce your negtive perception of yourself. In each section you are given Exercises to work through, to develop the practical techniques needed to start to improve your thoughts and feelings about yourself.

The topics covered by the different sections of the ebook and the different exercises included to help you use the book as a practical and effective guide on your journey to better self esteem are listed below:

eBook 2: Low Self Esteem - How to Deal with It

Full Contents List:

Introduction

Section 1: What is Self Esteem?

Introducing Self Esteem

How Low Self Esteem May Express Itself

Self Esteem and Self Criticism

Where Does Low Self Esteem Come From?

The Aim of the Book

Exercise 1: Self Esteem Assessment 

Section 2: Dealing with Negative Thoughts

Self Critical Thoughts: The Two Types
-Self Critical Thoughts relating to a Particular Situation
-Limiting Beliefs

Tackling Self Critical Thoughts in Particular Situations
-Inner Conversations
-The First Step to Tackling Self Critical Thoughts

- Exercise 2: Noting Down Self Critical Thoughts
-Putting Your Self Critical Thoughts in Perspective

- Exercise 3: Creating Balancing Thoughts
-Using Balancing Thoughts

Section 3: Dealing with Negative Thoughts – Additional Techniques

Analysing Negative Thoughts

Thinking Flexibly and Creatively

Dealing with Your Negative Thinking Patterns

Sample Plan for Dealing with Negative Thinking Patterns

Exercise 4: Your Plan for Dealing with Negative Thinking Patterns

Section 4: Valuing Yourself

Giving Yourself Permission to Value Yourself

Finding Out What You Can Value about Yourself
-What Do You Enjoy Doing?

- Exercise 5: Things that I Enjoy
-Creating Abilities & Achievements out of Enjoyment

- Exercise 6: My Personal Affirmations

Troubleshooting

- Exercise 7: Affirmations Checklist
-Identifying the Positives

- Exercise 8: Positives Diary
-What You Shouldn’t Do With Affirmations
-What You Can Do With Affirmations

Section 5: Limiting Beliefs

What are Limiting Beliefs?

Types of Limiting Belief

A General Comment on Limiting Beliefs

The Impact of Limiting Beliefs

Limiting Beliefs and Low Self Esteem

The Impact of Limiting Beliefs involving Other People

Identifying Your Limiting Beliefs

Exercise 9: Identifying Limiting Beliefs about Yourself

Exercise 10: Identifying Limiting Beliefs involving Others

Limiting Beliefs & Your Past

Exercise 11: Beliefs & Your Past
-Childhood
-Adulthood

Taking Control & Dealing with Your Limiting Beliefs

Exercise 12: Step-by-step Analysis of Limiting Beliefs

Exercise 13: Creating More Constructive Beliefs

Trying Out Your New Beliefs

Exercise 14: New Beliefs – Successes Record

Understanding and Explaining Limiting Beliefs

Exercise 15: Explanations Exercise

Remembering Your Rights

Remembering Other People’s Rights

Conclusion

Putting it All Together

Creating a Plan for Improving Self Esteem

Sample Project Plan for Improving Self Esteem

Blank Project Plan for Completion

Project Plan Review

A Final Word

Appendix
Special Report: Simple Ways of Improving Your Self Esteem

 

Special Features of Low Self Esteem - How to Deal With It

The ebook covers a range of different areas relating to self esteem including:

Feedback on the Self Esteem Techniques

"The affirmations helped me initially to make me look at myself in a more positive way and be aware of my achievements and qualities. I have got a lot of my confidence back again...

...Giving my Project Plan a name which pinpointed how I needed to direct my efforts was really helpful. I can be a bit of a Peter Pan type person and having concrete techniques such as the Balancing Thoughts to try out was good for me and helped me to focus on the outcomes I wanted and on how to achieve them. This enabled me to avoid going into an emotional rut...

... My friends had got used to expecting me to be emotional and rant and are quite surprised by the new Sonia! I’ve let go a bit now and found that it gives me more control and I feel much more relaxed... I am happier with myself now and my relationship is way better than it was."

- Sonia, Bristol, UK

"Previously I was very tired..My mind was all over the place with contradicting emotions...I was very confused about my relationship. I now feel more confident. I am more aware of my positive traits...[Now] James and I are making more of an effort in our relationship and I am also exercising more...I am more able to look at the positive aspects of my own character and my future. I know that I can achieve my goals."

- Beth, London, UK

"Hi David

Thank you for the exercises and forms. They have helped me a lot. I now have techniques to combat unrealistic and negative thoughts and will be giving this a good go."

- Mark, Hertfordshire, UK

"I bought the book for my coaching practice a week or so ago. It is very well laid out and I find the sections and instructions clear. I am planning to use the ideas in the book to work with clients on their self esteem."

- Susan, West Midlands, UK

 

eBook No.3: How to Be Assertive

Being assertive involves:

How to Be Assertive is a unique guide to becoming assertive covering 5 different approaches to improving your assertiveness skills.

Problems with Assertiveness

Problems with assertiveness usually fall into two contrasting types

1. Passive behaviour - where you have a tendency to want to avoid conflict or you feel that you shouldn't express your own feelings or thoughts, with the result that you go along with what others say or ask, without paying attention to your own needs.

2. Aggressive behaviour - where you have a tendency to dominate conversations or to ignore other people's views and seek to control what others do by dictating to them or telling them what they must or should do.

Sometimes it is possible to swing from one type of behaviour to the other - particularly if you have a general tendency to be too passive. This can lead to a build up of frustration and anger which can eventually come out in an aggressive way.

Assertiveness Training - The Benefits

There are many potential benefits to training yourself to be assertive. If you can become more assertive it is likely to lead you to:

Assertiveness Training - 5 Methods

The eBook How to Be Assertive offers an introductory guide to 5 different methods or approaches to becoming assertive.

Each of the assertiveness approaches in the eBook has its own value but they can also be used to complement each other so that you have a toolkit of effective techniques for building assertiveness. You can choose to try out one of the assertiveness approaches at a time or you can combine different ones at your choice.

The 5 assertiveness training methods or approaches which are set out in the eBook are:

1. The DEAL Method for Improving Assertiveness - a step by step process for approaching situations where you want to express yourself better or raise a difficult issue in a relationship.

2. Coping with Anxious Thoughts – The STAR Model - A cognitive behavioural trainign method for working through anxious thoughts which might be holding you back from being Assertive

3. Owning Your Fears - A simple process for confronting and taking control of your fears that the worst may happen (sometimes known as 'fortune telling')

4. Rights and Responsibility (R & R) Principles - How to understand and use your rights and responsibilities as a benchmark to help you stand up for yourself whilst respecting others.

5. Try it and See (It’s Not as Crazy as it sounds) - a practical approach to making changes, maintaining motivation and working through the different stages in becoming assertive based on psychological principles and a model of change.

Who is this Assertiveness Training eBook for?

The How to Be Assertive eBook is designed for you if you:

eBook 3: How to Be Assertive - Full Contents List

The full contents list of the How to Be Assertive assertiveness training eBook is given below:

INTRODUCTION: WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS

Defining Assertiveness

Assertiveness – The Middle Way

The Three Types of Behaviour

Passive Behaviour

  • Examples of Passive Behaviour
  • Are there any Payoffs from Acting Passively?
  • How Real are the Payoffs?

Aggressive Behaviour

  • Examples of Aggressive Behaviour
  • Are there any Payoffs from Acting Aggressively?
  • How Real are the Payoffs?

Assertive Behaviour

  • Examples of Assertive Behaviour
  • Non Verbal Behaviour
  • The Benefits of Being Assertive
  • Assessing Your Own Tendencies to Passive, Aggressive or Assertive Behaviour

Exercise 1: Understanding Your Own Behaviour
Exercise 2: Your Commitment to Acting Assertively

 

5 APPROACHES FOR IMPROVING YOUR ASSERTIVENESS

Approach No.1: The DEAL Method for Improving Assertiveness

Introduction

Explaining the DEAL Method

  1. Describe the Situation
  2. Express your Feelings and Thoughts about it
  3. Ask for Reasonable Changes that you Feel would Help
  4. Listen and Negotiate a Reasonable Solution where Possible

Negotiation Tips

Exercise 3: Using the DEAL Method for Assertiveness
Exercise 4: Preparing for a Discussion

 

Approach No.2: Coping with Anxious Thoughts  - The STAR Model

Introduction

Using the STAR Model

Step 1: Describe a Problem Situation and the Anxieties it creates for you
Step 2: Set out Possible Alternatives
Step 3: Choosing Alternatives to Try Out

Exercise 5: Create Your Own STAR Model

 

Approach No 3: Owning Your Fears

Introduction

1. Options
- Relationship Example

2. Worst Case

3. Now

Exercise 6: Owning Your Own Fears

 

Approach No.4: Rights and Responsibility (R&R) Principles

Introduction

What is involved in showing respect?

The 4 R&R Principles

  • The Right to Express Your Feelings and Opinions
  • The Right to Say ‘No’
  • The Right to Make Mistakes
  • The Responsibility for Making Decisions

Applying the 4 R&R Principles

Exercise 7: Analysing a Past Situation
Exercise 8: Preparing for a Future Situation

Troubleshooting the R&R Principles

Exercise 9: My Positive Message
Exercise 10: Focusing on Outcomes

 

Approach No.5: Try It and See (It’s Not as Crazy as it Sounds)

Introduction

What about the Fear of Failure?

Making Changes

Stages in Becoming Assertive

Using this Approach

- Exercise 11: One Assertiveness Change

- Assertiveness Plan

- Successes Record

Conclusion
Combining Different Approaches

 

About the Author

The 3 eBooks in the Jealousy and Self Esteem Resource Pack are written by Self-Help Author David Bonham-Carter who specialises in the use of CBT and other practical techniques to help people deal with negative thinking patterns and address difficulties such as:

David worked for many years in the UK as a social worker before becoming a professional life coach in private practice for several years. He now focuses on sharing useful coaching and CBT techniques through self-help guides.

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Overcoming Jealousy - A Practical Guide
An eBook guide with ideas for overcoming jealousy with practical assignments to create your own tailor made Project Plan

 

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Low Self Esteem - How to Deal with It
An eBook Guide for raising your self esteem and dealing with negative self criticism, including a series of easy to follow exercises for you to complete in order to help you feel better and live a more productive life.

 

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How to Be Assertive
An eBook containing 5 different practical approaches to develop your skills in being assertive with relevant coaching exercises.

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