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How to Be Assertive -
The Assertiveness Training eBook

How to Be Assertive is a unique guide to becoming assertive coversing 5 different approaches to improving your assertiveness skills.

What is Assertiveness?

A person who is assertive might be described as someone who:

Problems with Assertiveness

Problems with assertiveness usually fall into two contrasting types

1. Passive behaviour - where you have a tendency to want to avoid conflict or you feel that you shouldn't express your own feelings or thoughts, with the result that you go along with what others say or ask, without paying attention to your own needs.

2. Aggressive behaviour - where you have a tendency to dominate conversations or to ignore other people's views and seek to control what others do by dictating to them or telling them what they must or should do.

Sometimes it is possible to swing from one type of behaviour to the other - particularly if you have a general tendency to be too passive. This can lead to a build up of frustration and anger which can eventually come out in an aggressive way.

Is There an Easy Solution to Assertiveness Problems?

Becoming assertive if you are not naturally assertive involves practice and effort. Developing assertiveness (where you behave and speak in articulate sensible ways rather than passively or aggressively), whether through an assertiveness training course or through following instruction and techniques from coaches or books, requires you to retrain yourself to learn ways of being assertive and to unlearn habitual patterns of behaving which you may have had since you were young - perhaps because of notions that you were taught by important people in your lives such as parents or teachers, which influenced your behaviour and your self image.

Becoming more assertive will therefore involve you in learning helpful techniques or methods which need to be practised before they become second nature. There may not be an easy way round this but it is worth it if you are prepared to try it out, because of the benefits it brings. This assertiveness eBook does not offer an easy fix. It provides clear practical techniques for you to try out and practise on a consistent basis which are likely to help you to improve assertiveness and feel better about yourself and your relationships.

Assertiveness Training - The Benefits

There are many potential benefits to training yourself to be assertive. If you can become more assertive it is likely to lead you to:

Assertiveness Training - 5 Methods

The eBook How to Be Assertive offers an introductory guide to 5 different methods or approaches to becoming assertive.

Each of the assertiveness approaches in the eBook has its own value but they can also be used to complement each other so that you have a toolkit of effective techniques for building assertiveness. You can choose to try out one of the assertiveness approaches at a time or you can combine different ones at your choice.

The 5 assertiveness training methods or approaches which are set out in the eBook are:

1. The DEAL Method for Improving Assertiveness - a step by step process for approaching situations where you want to express yourself better or raise a difficult issue in a relationship.

2. Coping with Anxious Thoughts – The STAR Model - A cognitive behavioural trainign method for working through anxious thoughts which might be holding you back from being Assertive

3. Owning Your Fears - A simple process for confronting and taking control of your fears that the worst may happen (sometimes known as 'fortune telling')

4. Rights and Responsibility (R & R) Principles - How to understand and use your rights and responsibilities as a benchmark to help you stand up for yourself whilst respecting others.

5. Try it and See (It’s Not as Crazy as it sounds) - a practical approach to making changes, maintaining motivation and working through the different stages in becoming assertive based on psychological principles and a model of change.

Who is this Assertiveness Training eBook for?

The How to Be Assertive eBook is for you if you:

The How to Be Assertive eBook is also likely to be of use to you if you are a life coach or other professional who works with people with Assertiveness difficulties and you would like to have a range of approaches and techniques for helping clients to become more assertive.

How to Be Assertive - Full Contents List

The full contents list of the How to Be Assertive assertiveness training eBook is given below:


Defining Assertiveness

Assertiveness – The Middle Way

The Three Types of Behaviour

Passive Behaviour

  • Examples of Passive Behaviour
  • Are there any Payoffs from Acting Passively?
  • How Real are the Payoffs?

Aggressive Behaviour

  • Examples of Aggressive Behaviour
  • Are there any Payoffs from Acting Aggressively?
  • How Real are the Payoffs?

Assertive Behaviour

  • Examples of Assertive Behaviour
  • Non Verbal Behaviour
  • The Benefits of Being Assertive
  • Assessing Your Own Tendencies to Passive, Aggressive or Assertive Behaviour

Exercise 1: Understanding Your Own Behaviour
Exercise 2: Your Commitment to Acting Assertively



Approach No.1: The DEAL Method for Improving Assertiveness


Explaining the DEAL Method

  1. Describe the Situation
  2. Express your Feelings and Thoughts about it
  3. Ask for Reasonable Changes that you Feel would Help
  4. Listen and Negotiate a Reasonable Solution where Possible

Negotiation Tips

Exercise 3: Using the DEAL Method for Assertiveness
Exercise 4: Preparing for a Discussion


Approach No.2: Coping with Anxious Thoughts  - The STAR Model


Using the STAR Model

Step 1: Describe a Problem Situation and the Anxieties it creates for you
Step 2: Set out Possible Alternatives
Step 3: Choosing Alternatives to Try Out

Exercise 5: Create Your Own STAR Model


Approach No 3: Owning Your Fears


1. Options
- Relationship Example

2. Worst Case

3. Now

Exercise 6: Owning Your Own Fears


Approach No.4: Rights and Responsibility (R&R) Principles


What is involved in showing respect?

The 4 R&R Principles

  • The Right to Express Your Feelings and Opinions
  • The Right to Say ‘No’
  • The Right to Make Mistakes
  • The Responsibility for Making Decisions

Applying the 4 R&R Principles

Exercise 7: Analysing a Past Situation
Exercise 8: Preparing for a Future Situation

Troubleshooting the R&R Principles

Exercise 9: My Positive Message
Exercise 10: Focusing on Outcomes


Approach No.5: Try It and See (It’s Not as Crazy as it Sounds)


What about the Fear of Failure?

Making Changes

Stages in Becoming Assertive

Using this Approach

- Exercise 11: One Assertiveness Change

- Assertiveness Plan

- Successes Record

Combining Different Approaches


About the Author

How to Be Assertive is a practical book written by Self-Help Author David Bonham-Carter who specialises in the use of CBT and other practical techniques to help people deal with negative thinking patterns and address difficulties such as:

David worked for many years in the UK as a social worker before becoming a professional life coach in private practice for several years. He now focuses on sharing useful coaching and CBT techniques through self-help guides.

Purchase Price of How to Be Assertive

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The cost for it including all the practical exercises in US Dollars is just $14.99 or in GB Pounds Sterling just £9.99. It is available online for immediate download in PDF format.

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When you purchase How to Be Assertive from this website, you will receive immediately a link to download the ebook in PDF format. Your purchase is covered by a MONEY BACK GUARANTEE: If for any reason whatsoever you are unhappy with your purchase, just request a refund within 15 days of receiving the ebook and you will be given a complete refund.

How to Be Assertive - 5 Practical Approaches

How to Be Assertive is very much a practical book. It contains 5 different practical approaches to building self esteem and step by step exercises to help you use the ideas in it to develop your skills in being assertive, so as to:

Feedback on How the Techniques Help

"I now realise that I have a right to be assertive..."

"I am now thinking more of strategies I can use to help me deal with stresses and identifying my thought processes has been an important tool. I now realise that I have a right to be assertive. I am talking more with my husband about our shared goals. We are doing more things together and our relationship has improved. I am also spending more time on doing things for myself that I like."

- Jane, Devon, UK

"I have started using the assertiveness materials and have received a good response..."

"I'm currently working as a Probation Officer and thought the exercises would be useful for this. I have started using the assertiveness materials and have received a good response. I'm also hoping to train to become a Life Coach in the near future and therefore I felt these materials would be useful for this purpose. I am pleased with the materials and believe I will get a lot of use from them in the future."

Sarah, Wales, UK


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