Focusing On Outcomes
If you have been struggling for a while to deal with a situation or person that you find particularly difficult or unpleasant, try the following exercise to help you make progress:
1. Ask yourself:
What outcome(s) do I want from this situation?
2. Look at your answer to 1 above and ask yourself:
Is there a reasonable prospect of achieving the outcome(s)?
If yes, then continue to 3. below.
If no, then instead set a modified or different outcome which is achievable and an improvement on where you are now, even if it is not perfect.
3. Now ask yourself,
What can I do which will increase the chances of achieving the outcome(s) that I want?
(a) If there is nothing that you can do that will increase the chances of achieving the outcome that you want, then acknowledge that the situation is beyond your control and perhaps redirect your energies to focus on areas of your life that are more within your control.
(b) If you can see that there is something that you can do, that will probably improve your chances of achieving or moving towards your desired outcome, then start doing it - consciously commit to trying to do it and set yourself a specific goals to act in that way where possible/practical.
NB. If you are already doing the helpful action, then congratulate yourself!
(c) If you think there might be something you can do that will help, but you don't know what it is (!), then ask someone whose judgement you trust if they can see how you might act in a way that would help towards your desired outcome. If they come up with a reasonable suggestion as to what you might do, then try doing it...
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