Affairs - Issues around Preventing & Coping with Extra Marital Affairs
Statistics about Affairs
Statistics suggest that perhaps 60% of married men and 40% of married women have an affair whilst married, yet most of us are brought up to believe in the morality of monogamy and in the ideal of a marriage involving commitment and faithfulness by both parties. So what accounts for the prevalence of extra marital affairs and is there anything that can be done to protect your marriage or your relationship against the risks and consequences of having an affair?
Why do Affairs Happen?
Part of the answer may be that the weight of social and moral expectation is such that many people are reluctant to talk to their partners openly when they experience attraction to someone outside the marriage before they act on it. If they do act on the attraction and embark on a fling or a secret extra-marital affair they may feel too ashamed or too afraid of the consequences to tell their partner - or possibly they feel unable or unwilling to stop the affair.
Preventing Affairs
Human beings are sexual and emotional animals not machines. It is entirely natural that at times you may find yourself attracted to someone outside your relationship. Sometimes you may be aware of this and sometimes it may creep up on you almost without you knowing - as for example when you develop a closeness or a feeling of attraction for someone with whom you work or have developed a professsional relationship. The choice that you have is as to whether to act on that feeling of attraction and one question is: what can you do to prepare yourself to be able to deal with such feelings of attraction? One option is for partners to strive to create a relationship based on honesty in which they seek to find a way of discussing difficult issues and respecting each other so that their relationship is strong enough to deal in a mature way with temptations or attractions outside of the marriage or relationship. The cloud of secrecy and shame which surrounds social and moral attitudes to infidelity does not always make it easy to build such a mature relationship based on a kind of sensitive, constructive honesty.
Consequences of Affairs & Your Options
The consequences of having an affair can be devastating for a marriage and for both parties both in terms of emotional trauma or guilt and in practical outcomes such as the potential for separation, divorce and family break up. However the consequences of staying in a marriage or relationship which is not working - or which is even abusive - can sometimes be just as devastating for one or both of the parties and for children caught up in or affected by parents problems, so there is not always a cut and dried answer as to what you should or shouldn't do if you find yourself in this kind of situation.
Coaching Support around Affairs
If you are in a position where you or your partner have had an affair or are contemplating having an affair outside your relationship and you do not feel able to discuss it with your husband, wife or partner, you may find it helpful to seek independent coaching support to give you the opportunity to talk through the issues with someone independent and non judgemental to help you see what the options are and to make a decision about what you want to do.
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