Self-Acceptance Exercises
How do you learn to develop an attitude of self-acceptance towards yourself? Here are some ideas:
1. Try Not to Rate Yourself Globally!
The psychologists Albert Ellis (in The Myth of Self-Esteem) and David Burns (in Ten Days to Self-Esteem) both argue forcefully that to help yourself develop an attitude of unconditional self-acceptance towards yourself it is useful to practise consciously not rating yourself globally as worthless.
What they seem to mean by this is that if you don't achieve a particular task or goal that you want to or feel that you 'ought' to then by all means rate your success (or lack of it) in relation to that task, e.g. you might acknowledge that you only did something you planned to do 2 out of 10 times, but try not then to judge yourself globally because of that. Remind yourself that just because you did not do something very well or did something you don't think was nice or sensible does not mean that you are totally worthless.
2. Dealing with Self-Critical 'Ought' Statements
If you have a tendency to berate yourself for not doing what you 'ought' or 'should' or 'must' do then Ellis suggests that you try to reframe that prescriptive seff-critical comments about yourself and how you should behave, into a statement about a 'wish' or preference' that you have.
Example
For example, if you find your inner voice saying:
'I shouldn't have been late. I am useless', replace that inner statement with something like:
'I wish I had not been late. I would prefer to be on time but this does not mean I am useless. Next time I will try to plan in advance if I can.'3. Reframing Extreme Self-Criticism
Similarly, if you find your inner voice is constantly making extremely critical judgements about yourself then I would suggest that you try to moderate those judgements consciously.
Examples:
Extreme Self-Criticism |
Reframed Self-Criticism |
'I am useless' |
'I don't do everything in the way I would like' |
'I am disgustingly fat' |
'I have difficulty in keeping my weight under control and do not have the body shape I would like to have' |
Remember! Don't be too hard on yourself - nobody's perfect.
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