Looking for Counselling for Jealousy? -
Try Coaching with CBT instead!
* Learn Practical Strategies *
* Deal with Difficult Emotions *
What is Coaching with CBT?
Coaching with CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) techniques is the approach I use if you are struggling with jealousy issues, to help you evaluate your jealous thoughts and deal with your jealous feelings effectively.
CBT or cognitive behavioural therapy evolved from the ideas of Albert Ellis (the founder of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy) and Aaron Beck (the founder of Cognitive Therapy). It is based on the fundamental principle that our thought patterns and interpretations of situations influence the nature and strength of our feelings and our actions.
If you are jealous then it is likely that you are experiencing strong negative thoughts about your partner (or whoever is involved in the jealousy situation) such as:
- Why are you treating me without respect?
- Are you trying to make a fool of me?
- Are you more interested in someone else than me?
You may also experience worries about yourself such as:
- Am I going to be humiliated?
- Can I bear it if s/he leaves me?
- What if she or he has an affair/goes off with someone else?
- Am I going to lose control?
Coaching with CBT compared to Traditional Counselling
- Traditional counselling methods may involve long, psychoanalytical examination of your childhood and prompt you into heavy and painful examination of your past
- Coaching with CBT techniques for jealousy is much more practical.
It focuses on:
- How you can deal with jealousy thoughts such as the above in current situations
- How you can act to alleviate current stresses
- What your practical options are.
What Causes Jealousy?
Jealousy can be caused by a combination of different things such as:
- A strong belief in the importance of high moral principles - such as faithfulness in relationships
- A strong attachment to or love for a particular person or relationship and a related fear that it may not last
- Doubts about whether the person you care for is as attached to you as you are to them.
- Fear that you may disappointed or let down.
Jealousy and Insecurity
If you are jealous in a particular relationship then it is likely that you are feeling insecure in it at least to some degree.
This can occur because you have a genuine reason for doubting the other person's commitment or it can occur because you are exaggerating or getting out of perspective some of the actions or comments of your partner (or someone else you care for).
CBT and Jealousy
Coaching with CBT techniques looks carefully at your jealous thoughts and helps you to evaluate them and put them in perspective.
You may be prone to:
- Fortune Telling or Catastrophising - imagining the worst is going to happen
- Mind Reading - imagining someone else is thinking certain things when you don't actually know.
CBT provides techniques for helping you to assess those thoughts in a calm way and to balance them out with new thinking patterns and ways of acting which will help you to deal with your jealousy much better.
Jealousy and Envy
Sometimes people ask what is the difference between jealousy and envy.
You can either see them as being different things or you can see there as being two different types of jealousy - one which involves suspicion or fear of rivals when you are in a relationship and the oher which involves longing after what someone else has:
The Difference Between Jealousy and Envy:
- Suspicion and Fear of Possible Rivals –For example, if you are in a relationship and you fear that your partner is or may be attracted by someone else and may be unfaithful to you or reject or leave you.
- Envy – Being envious of someone else: for example, if you envy someone’s qualities, possessions, relationships or success.
1. Suspicion and fear of possible rivals or of betrayal is a form of anxiety.
2. Envy by contrast is a form of desire - wishing that you had something that you don't think you do have.
Both types of jealousy can be helped by CBT techniques to help you balance out your thought patterns.
In some cases there may also be self esteem issues (although this is not always so) and coaching with CBT techniques can help you to build your self esteem and manage yoru self doubts if that is relevant to you.
Your Jealousy Coach
I am a life coach who specialises in the use of CBT techniques to help with jealousy and other forms of anxiety.
My initial background and professional training was as a social worker where I gained experience and training in the use of CBT techniques to help people address social, personal and relationship difficulties.
Subsequently I set up my own life coaching practice and over several years have developed particular expertise in addressing the kinds of issue where thought patterns are leading to problematic feelings, anxieties and behaviour which you can regret.
Jealousy is one of my foremost areas of expertise.
I have training in a number of different approaches to helping people, including:
- CBT Techiques
- Motivational Interviewing techniques
- Person Centred Counselling Techniques
- Brief (Solution Focused) Therapy Techniques.
Feedback on Coaching for Jealousy
"Before the coaching I had a feeling of not coping. I was concerned about my feelings of jealousy with an enduring need to find out whether my partner was faithful and the relationship right. I was also very concerned about being judged, particularly when out with my partner...
… I am now more confident in my attributes and abilities. I still sometimes ruminate about the relationships but I now have been fewer concerns about my partner’s fidelity. The balancing statements have helped me in achieving this along with control of my alcohol and caffeine intake. The balancing statements have also helped my confidence along with the positive reminders. I feel more relaxed and in control...
…My confidence has returned to large degree and in turn this has helped to relieve some of my anxieties about being judged.” - Mark
Your Introductory Coaching for Jealousy Session includes:
- Exploration of issues of concern in a 1hour telephone coaching session , including constructive suggestions and proposals for action
- Introduction to CBT and other coaching ideas or techniques or ideas as appropriate for your situation
- After the session I email you a written Project Plan detailing outcomes aimed for, any agreed actions and any assignments to complete before your next coaching session if you decide you want to proceed with further sessions.
What Happens after the Introductory Coaching Session
There is no obligation on you to continue with further coaching sessions after the first one, but in most cases people find it very helpful. If you want to arrange further coaching sessions you can then purchase a programme of 5 further coaching sessions to help address your jealousy issues further and systematically.
Future sessions will aim to help you to:
- Build on and develop the initial techniques you have learned for dealing with jealousy
- Learn further practical ideas and suggestions
- Record and monitor your progress
- Stay motivated
- Focus on what works and change anything which doesn't.