If Only...
From time to time most of us have If Only... thoughts.
These are thoughts when we start wistfully or despondently wishing that things were different from what they are or could be different or had been different.
You can probably fill in the blanks below:
'If only I hadn't....'
'If only he (or she) didn't....'
'If only I wasn't such a ....'
Are If Only Thoughts a Bad Thing?
If Only thoughts are not necessarily a bad thing. They may prompt you to start doing things differently or they may be reflective imaginings which help you to understand yourself and others better or they may just be a bit of downtime/innocent day dreaming...
But if they become highly repetitive or very frequent, If Only thoughts can have the effect of keeping you locked in a mindset or a situation or even of making you feel bad about yourself or angry with someone else to a degree which isn't helpful.
What to Do if If Only Thoughts are becoming too frequent
If you think that you have too many regrets about what should or might be, or might have been, or about how you or others should be, then try the following to break out of the vicious circle:
1. Write down the If Only thoughts that you are having as precisely as possible.
2. Ask yourself if there is anything that you can realistically do to change the situation you are talking about or the way you feel about it for the better:
- If there is then commit to trying to do it
- If there isn't then move on to Step 3:
3. Imagine you are talking to a friend who has expressed the If Only thoughts to you, described the feelings they are having and asked for your advice:
- What would you say to them?
If the advice you would give them sounds sensible then give it to yourself and try to act on it!
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